R.I.P.

I had such a great start to day, after concussing at 8pm last night all the way til 8am this morning.

It was right after a meeting this morning, that I received an sms from fangers. My precious cells died. And all due to someone’s irresponsibility a few weeks ago. I don’t know who that was. And honestly speaking, I really don’t care. For no matter who it was, my cells would not come to life anymore. It’s like if someone you love has been murdered, and you find the murderer, it’s only to bring him to justice, but that someone you love would not resurrect. 2 months of hard work, gone just like that. Half a year of plans, disrupted in a flash. I grieve for the loss of my precious. Thanks to all who showed your concerns for the departure of my beloved.

A charming smile

On the way to CG outing at the Settler’s café after church today, yw chris and I decided to take a ride on gb’s pickup. Yeah, at the back. The girls took the pickup, while the guys enjoyed the comfort of the zoom zoom. Contrary to everyone’s warning, it was a cooling day with little sun, minimal red lights and a very straight road. Of course, there was gb’s steady driving too. (way to go, epb!) Along the way, yw and I started discussing that maybe it ain’t so impossible to get a convertible in Singapore after all. Opening the top isn’t as hot as it seems, because there’s the wonderful breeze sweeping past as the car moves. Right after that conversation, a silver convertible passed by. I was so surprised and exclaimed “WOW!” To even greater surprise, the Caucasian guy at the wheel turned and flashed us a charming smile. OH SHUCKS! I had forgotten that we were both in the open, with no windows to block our conversation. He’d heard me! How embarrassing.. >.<

Uncle is back~

And so we had a huge gathering with the extended family. Super duper yummy seafood meal we had at Long Beach. We’ve been there a couple of times, but this time’s menu was THE BEST. And believe it or not, I think today’s the first time I heard my uncle (who’s a reverend) give a sermon! When he was still in Singapore, I was too young and hadn’t started attending services. I must say, he rocks! I loved his sermon, and I believe everyone else did too. Way to go, uncle “AM SO ON!”=P

have a great weekend~

So glad we did screen the video after all. Thanks to tech-savvy MinTea, michelle, wyee, ys and all others who helped in the setting up for the screening. Each time I sit there and edit the video, I laugh at the jokes. I re-edit and re-cut the scenes until I can memorize almost every line in the video, and I can still laugh at them every time I view it. But never did I expect the reactions I saw today. It was the first time I ever saw him so embarrassed, covering his face and turning all red. Hahaha. Every one was laughing so hard. And even myself, I laughed until tears were flowing. It’s so nice to see a group gathering to put something so meaningful (and fun) together for an important person, each putting in her own little bit of effort to make it work. And more so when he told us that this is the first time in his entire life that someone ever made a video for him. I know how that feels, really, coz I was so touched the first time anyone made a video for me, I cried when I viewed it.

And that was just a start to a great evening together. Two years and 8 days in this lab, and I’ve never had a complete lab outing outside the lab. This was the first, and sure I had a great time chatting with them, discovering even more secrets and all. The farewell may jolly well be a blessing in disguise in the end~

it’s a journey

I should have seen it coming. At the back of my head, I know that I have to reach this day sooner or later. In fact, the sooner it is, the faster we can actually progress. But I was really not looking forward to it. Until, today, they spelt it out to us. Suddenly, I can feel myself peeling away from my comfort zone, into a foggy world where everything is uncertain. Noone knows what will come out of what we do. I don’t like it, but this is the nature of the path chosen. As L says, it’s the journey that we have to experience. It’s gonna be so so soo difficult from now on. Difficult yet exciting. And at the same time, I must really learn to be grateful that now I don’t have just one mentor, but three! Count my blessings. And continue to walk hand in hand with The Twin, even if we tread on separate paths. ^_^

I heart pretty clothes

Finally got down to arranging my cupboard. I know i actually have alot of clothes that are pretty but i don't wear them. I keep shopping, buying, then wear one and dump them aside. Not because i dun like them anymore. On the contrary, i often dig out clothes that i bought in sec1/2 and wear them occasionally. Rather, i am usually too lazy to dress up whenever i go out. Quite a waste considering the amount of clothes i have!

See... all my clothes taken out.. take up 2 beds! can open bazaar stall alreadyMy cupboard(s) after rearranging them.. and heartaching-ly throwing away some clothes that are really too small already, but never could part with them.


T-shirts and bottoms (most-worn clothes)
bedsheets, home clothes, shorts (double layer of clothes.. those inside i prolly wun wear.. just cannot bear to throw away) my most comfy clothes

jackets at the bottom. (25 in total after throwing away a few). then all other clothes, caps, socks, belts, bags... (the most expensive section, but least worn)



And 2 years after i discovered my fav bright orange adidas jacket was soiled, i brought it to my mum once again to complain one last time before throwing it away. And.. 2 years later this very day, my mum has more resources as a POWER housewife. She cleaned it!!!!!! woohoo~ this must be the happiest thing that happened to me this weekend. I am so gonna wear that jacket again. Who cares if singapore is hot.

there can be miracles, when you believe..

Truly, it was a miracle. So happy, so relieved. Praise the Lord ^_^

i must have been really tired. And it didn't help that i had a whole lot of work to do yesterday, plus a lab meeting to attend, so couldn't finish work early to return home for a nap before dinner. Was quite disappointed about things that happened recently.. everyone was telling me they can't do things coz they don't know. so i should do it. well, i just want to say that I DON'T KNOW TOO. But i put in the effort to LEARN. Then it leads to a whole lot of expectations, thinking that i am an expert who can do a whole lot of things all so easily. So i had decided that i would stop doing anything anymore, and noone will get to see the results. i am not going to take the initiative to arrange anything. If anyone happens to organize anything, i'll gladly do it. otherwise, forget it.

But this morning, i woke up feeling abit more refreshed, and i realized my thoughts the previous night were really quite silly. who cares if noone helps. it was my own idea. blame it on myself for thinking of so many things. well, though not everything's gonna happen, at least i did my own part, and i am proud of it. It's really far from being perfect, and i am not very pleased with it. But it really took alot from me. I put in alot of time, energy, effort... and received alot of headaches, eyeaches, backaches. I am happy that i did it, for not only did i create something personalized (with the help of alot of people too. so they really DID something), i also picked up a skill in the process. I believe the receiver will understand that i am just an IT-idiot who tried her best in a limited time frame. ^_^

I need more rest.

a sudden realization

That I can very soon use the penny that I have kept over the years. The penny that was missed out when I changed the contents of my wallet from US currency to SGD. The penny that still sits in my wallet, and still bring around everywhere I go. The penny that brings back so many memories whenever I fish it out of my wallet while looking for change, in Singapore. I am going back. FINALLY.

Happy 2nd Anniversary!!

To myself. For today marks the 2^nd year of my membership in Microarray. ^_^ But I don’t know why, the day didn’t start out too good. Was suddenly reminded of the (true) story that some friends told me some years back. A story that was so scary even though I wasn’t part of it. (And don’t wish to be). The thought made me so scared I didn’t dare to enter a room alone.

Then, I received an email. An email that set me thinking. It just gets more real, not something I only see in TV shows. Life is just so fragile. So unexpected. And I can’t help feeling scared, that this may happen to me one day. Be it the one who leaves or the one who is left behind. I want to be neither. At the same time, just like wyee dajie said, we have to always remember to appreciate how fortunate we are at this current moment. Til this very moment. May the Lord watch over them during this period of grief.

KTV madness

A free-4-hour voucher led us to an outing. Finally, after all of us being so busy the past 6 months. Felt tricked that it cost so much in the end, but we all had fun. It was great seeing bong getting high and dancing.. and first time we had our own instruments at a ktv!! ^_^

donuts to keep us energized for 4 hours

Our own instruments!

xiao jing teng VS aska yang zhong wei

Bong singing her fav jolin songs

Fangers the star

Group shot~

Singing jay chou’s “listen to mummy”

More videos taken.. can use to blackmail them.. muahahaha

sacrifices to make

It ain’t easy to get a free trip to California, I realize. The entire week, fangers and I have been wrecking our brains to try and find lodging, airtickets, land transport to bring us to places we need (and want) to go, and yet keep within the budget. One week on and we’re still stuck. Hoping to get good news from the scholarship board soon. Rising fuel prices is sure imposing some inconveniences.. >.<

Shopping in orchard

I don’t usually like Saturday Orchard crowds. But that one was really s-l-o-w. Then I found out why. Fiona xie was filming some channel 5 show. Haha.

Congrats to Bong!

To think that the first time I met her, 2 years ago, she told me she was still a young Christian. A blink of an eye, and she’s a faithful one, and possibly getting baptized soon. So happy for her!! ^_^ This calls for a double celebration! (in addition to her good exam results)

This morning while walking to the train station, i had this feeling I'd get the acceptance letter. And true enough, i did! Monterey Bay, here I come!! ^_^

A pity it took me awhile to decide whether or not to share a room with fangers or to get our own rooms. By the time we'd decided on separate rooms, there were no more rooms available at the special conference rates! I didn't expect rooms to be swept up so quickly, in just an hour. So we ended up sharing a room at the normal price, to save money. What a pity. Quite upset about it, even if it isn't our money. Oh well.. that aside, i'm so glad i'm planning a holiday! ^_^ lalala~

Miracles still do happen!

The hard work did pay off. Despite doing more modules than other grad students, i did unexpectedly well this semester. The most amazing being the results of the ethics/philosophy module (where i attempted suicide by writing about the brain and religion, arguing that God exists, in front of an atheist philosophy prof and an atheist neurobiologist).. i got an A+ for that module!! I am so so so very happy!! Haha... the euphoria of my good results still hasn't settled in.. i haven't done so well in so long.. well enough to be on the Dean's list if there was one for grad school! haha. people say that in grad school, noone cares if you have a great CAP/GPA. true. but we do have a CAP/GPA to maintain too, or we'd be thrown out of the scholarship. I'm so glad, i am here to stay. (and my sureties can sleep well tonight too) ^_^

Though i may be asking for alot here, but i do pray that the miracles do extend to my experiments too.. =P

i've found a whisper today..

Ah. i can't wait to get well. Been so bored lying at home, that i went to work. But without a voice. cannot talk. and cannot whisper too hard too, coz i would start coughing. And it's really hard to make pple understand that my loss of voice is really a complete loss of volume, and not just some hoarseness that i don't want people to hear.

It's so funny how kor asked me out to ktv, and when i told him i lost my voice, he commented that he's sure it still sounds good no matter what. err. lose voice means NO VOICE, understand? it's not those low, sexy voices lor.. ZERO decibels, you'll hear nothing at ktv.. listen to cd can ler..

Yesterday when i went back, boss suddenly called me into his office for a discussion. Ha. no voice how to discuss? in the end, he said "ok, i'll do the talking". And i heard my manager laughing from her desk. LOL.

And it sucks not being able to talk and join in conversations. Worse still, i cannot even sit aside and listen. Y? coz if i listen, i will get so agitated/excited that i would attempt to giggle or laugh or whisper something, all of which would lead to me coughing and spreading my germs all over. So... my solution is to sit aside at my desk, eat my own lunch, avoid all social interactions possible. I know i can hear the laughters coming from the pantry.. i know what they're talking about.. i want to be a part of it.. but.. oh well. the big plan cannot start til i am well anyway!! MUAHAHA. That's a bit of a comfort. =P

GCC

As i went back to Grace Covenant Church's website, after many months of not being there, i realized that they have moved. and only at the new website, did i discover that Pastor Young has a blog. As i read through it, I was thrown into a whirlpool of feelings. I miss those days in GCC. I really do. it doesn't matter that i was there only 5 months, and 2 years has passed since. There are some things that i will never forget. walking to the university in the cold, sitting beside steph every sunday, learning new songs, getting touched by pastor young's sermons week after week, the very different easter services, the fasting during lent.. But my biggest regret was not joining their family group. If i ever have the chance to return, may I be more active in that church and join a local family group too.

and it isn’t so bad after all

It’s amazing how I haven’t felt bored at all these 2 days, doing almost absolutely nothing but eat and sleep. I’ve finally re-discovered the joy of just lazing around in bed, resting my body, closing my eyes, listening to music. Even without my radio, I can lie on my bed for hours, drifting in and out of dreamland. And happily enough, I even managed to catch Gary Caoge’s ‘live’ concert at imm on Sunday. Well, sort of. I heard him singing, I heard them cheering, but I was lying in the comfort of my bed. Haha. If not for my room being so much higher (and thus seeing only the rooftop), I’d have used binoculars to catch him in action!

And during the few waking hours when I’m out of bed, I did some reading up of MVP.. ha.. it’s no fun at all! Some patients have to stay away from caffeine (which includes chocolates!).. and to avoid sugar.. (which includes chocs yet again!) there’re lots of changes to lifestyles.. the only one that I like is.. TAKE AFTERNOON SNACKS. Haha. Yahoo~ oh well.. but I guess those are only for patients with serious conditions of MVP. Even if I test positive, I shouldn’t have any big lifestyle changes coz it hasn’t affected me too much in any manner. ^_^ oh but I can use it as an excuse to take tones of afternoon snacks! Heh~

Aging symptoms

Either that, or it’s what university life has done to me. I had maintained a sick-less record from primary 5, all the way until I entered uni. Then, I started falling sick once a semester. And in the recent 3 years, it always has something to do with throat infections and losing my voice. Sian. Luckily my body always knows when I have the time to fall sick. It was only after the YA walk, CG and dinner, when I reached home, then I started feeling dry throat and slow rising body temp. Sunday it got really terrible.. was in bed from 10pm on Saturday all the way til this morning. And with no important experiments/meetings lined up this week, I could rest in peace. I didn’t even sleep a wink last night coz my headache was so bad. Amazingly, after breakfast this morning, my fever subsided and I got up to watch StepUp2. But halfway through the movie, I felt my body getting hotter again.. so I grabbed lunch (yeah no skipping of meals even tho I am sick!) which was totally yummy PURPLE potatoes, and went back to bed. My fever just kept coming and going. And in my grogginess, I thought.. MALARIA! But my fever came and went every 3-4 hours.. which is way shorter than the cycles in malaria. And I don’t remember any mosquito bites. Still, I finally went to see the doc.

And during the visit, my mum brought up the matter of my heart murmurs. (where I made a booboo about saying heart mutters instead of murmurs. Bleah.) I had ignored it coz I never had a second opinion about it. But upon mention, my doc checked, and said that yeah I do have some heart murmurs. Darn. Then he told me to get a referral from him after I recover. And in the meantime, to ask for antibiotics if I got any tooth extraction/surgery, to prevent infection of the heart valves. And I had gone for wisdom teeth extraction without knowing this!! What a risk I had taken. Doc also said something really interesting—that MVP is more common in tall girls. Haha. Oh well. Will think about the echocardiogram after I get better.