where I belong

It’s not the first time I felt down. And it’s also not the first time that I stepped into the building wanting to cry, but just by seeing the security guards or looking at the water features outside the building, I feel so much better. That’s why I love my job. But, maybe things were really terrible today, coz I didn’t feel that much better even after going in. Maybe I have no more strength to remain cheerful in all circumstances coz I’m so physically and mentally drained. It has been a tiring period, never stopping every since 2^nd November when the pre-conference workshop started. From then, it was workshop, conference, exams, assignments, school, more exams and assignments, experiments.. I didn’t get to rest, nor did my neck. My neck-ache has been ongoing for a month now and I don’t know what to do to relieve it. Recently, I haven’t been able to get restful sleep, just because I’d find myself planning my work in the middle of the night. I even went to work on Saturday just to clear loads of work, so that I might be able to sleep better on Sunday. Today was no different, and I woke up even earlier to get to work. Unfortunately, a turn of events made me end up in a traffic jam, and I was forced to experience some terribly unpleasant events. I don’t think I was being oversensitive. I think it’s all a pretence, a pretence that it didn’t matter. I’m sure it does. I’d rather have seen a quarrel, coz that means everyone’s being true to themselves. But he chose to give in. So long, so many times. Even when he knew he’d end up in trouble elsewhere for it, he didn’t show it at all. All my life, I only know 2 people who’d be so nice to the people they love. They have so much love and put in so much commitment that they choose to bear with anything that comes their way, just to keep the relationship going. They take so much upon their shoulders, but make it seem like it’s nothing. And I, as an onlooker, hate to see this happening. I don’t know how long this will last, but I will just have to try my best to remain an onlooker and not let my feelings draw me into the war.