My Yearly Review

New Year Resolutions 2009

1. To read more and grow more spiritually
2. To serve well in SS as I co-teach with Rose, and to be a good CGL as I lead the group this year. Really hope that footprints would grow as one in the Lord this year.
3. To keep up the rate of spending time with family and friends, maybe with a better temper
4. To read up more in the field and keep up the work, without losing the steam. Hopefully a paper would come up soon! ^_^
5. To successfully overcome the inertia and pick up a couple of skills outside of labwork.

Did I do it?

1. Read a really good book called "Divine Mentors". Was at SKS when i overheard someone recommend the book to his friend, and i just bought it. No regrets!! That aside, that was the only book i read this year. The rest of them, are all not beyond chapter 1. >.<
2. think i did a decent job at SS this year. not only did i teach the sec2s, i also substituted other teachers many times so i got to experience teaching other levels too. tiring but fun! ^_^ As for being a CGL, the year started of great, with a spike in attendance. but somewhere along the way, we went back to 'our old ways' and i guess i failed in keeping everyone together. was told by some older people in church that this is normal for a cg going thru these phases, but i still don't like it. it's time for a revamp. I hope the next cgl would be well equipped to do a much better job! and it's time for me to retire after 3 yrs of service. probably another 17 yrs before it's my turn again! hahaha
3. really me up with loads of friends, and made many new friends too, especially earlier in the yr. quite pleased with myself. hahah
4. still no paper, but i think i made decent progress. except for the IP. bleah. and i did pass my qualifying exams!!! i'm now a full fledged phD student (who is still not getting paid)! lalalallaa~
5. couple of skills, i did pick up. got my advanced diving license, and picked up tap dancing and lindy hop too!

I think this is one of the best years where i accomplised a majority of my resolutions. I'm quite happy abt it. hehe. There was a very difficult time somewhere early-middle of this year regarding research, but God was sovereign enough to provide more-than-sufficient support thru this period, and i walked thru it, smoothly and stronger. Other than that, the rest of the year has a been a breeze. basically, it was a good year!! ^_^

New Year Resolutions 2010

1. To (continue) to read more and grow more spiritually. Hopefully my first year with my new SS class would be good! May i be a good teacher..
2. Get a paper out! c'mon.. half way through 3rd year already.. time for a paper or two! I'd better succeed in this..
3. Spend less and save more. Had spent $3k more in '09 than in '08. I attribute that to the laptop and the 'skills' i picked up. traveling wise, i travel alot as usual. hahah. Hopefully i'll spend less next year while still traveling as much (or maybe even more, since faraway America is in the list multiple times next year, if time permits)
4. And upon request... MCTH. =P (though this is not really something to make as a resolution. not too much within my control. haha)
   

So much has happened this one year. A year where i truly experienced God's amazing planning and sense of humor (in a pleasant sense). I'm so looking forward to yet another great year!!! :)

if only good things don't need to come with long waitings..

if only i had lots of money to spare...
if only there was no such thing as inflation...
if only i could manipulate time as i wish...
if only i could take yr-end leave like all other staff, stay at home and bake brownies ...
if only i had my own room...
if only everything works as i plan for them to...
if only time would stop everyday on my way back home...


so many "if only"s, but i am still blessed and joyful of what i have right now ^_^

Limited edition Christmas Swatch! ^_^

".. but i did follow.."

those words i would never forget. those words that meant so much to me. the words that i had prayed so hard for, especially the few minutes before you told me that. haven't felt a surge of happiness so strong in a long time.. having to fight back tears of joy every now and then.

so happy for you. ^_^

a day that had 4 more hours!

Christmas combined service today, so i woke up extra early for 730am service. woohoo. difficult to wake up, especially after a super tiring week at work! but, by 9am, service had ended! and sure i was glad we made it a point to drag ourselves to church, for Rev Goh's sermon today was fantastic! It's a normal Christmas message again, one might think. But no, after so many Christmas-es i had spent, i still learnt quite a great deal today! :)

not only was the sermon good, but the day was much longer today too! Usual sundays start after service ends at 1pm, with not much time left after lunch and before dinner. But today, our day started at 9am! we were even wondering where we could go coz most shops are closed then! could even make it to the lab TWICE. hahaha. workaholics, but bobian. people who do lab know why we need to go back so often. sometimes, it's not within our control. anyway, we went back to work twice, went for meals, and even had time to shop a great deal!! so fun ^_^

i quite enjoy having such a long day on sunday. no need to rush through everything. had alot of time to enjoy the day. The only downside was, we were so tired by 5pm. oh well. once in a while, 730 service is fine. but not for the long term, i guess. :)

XIAOLONGBAO~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to Ben and Gav for organizing! Had a majorly fun time with the xiaolongbaos! (and of course everyone. hehe)

Jerry is shocked at how fast ben acts on the food. So...
Jerry shouts ATTACK!!!

Giving the prawns a good spa..

XIAOLONGBAO!!! our 2nd serving. they cheated us of the 3rd! so evil >.<
I realize.. we lacked a group photo! aiyah. too engrossed with xlb and prawns. hehe

suddenly, they're gone

so many unexpected deaths. young, healthy individuals living their lives as per normal, suddenly collapse and died. with no known heart problems. but they died of heart attacks nonetheless. WHY!?!?! so scary. i wonder why noone is affected by such news. don't you wonder, who around you, or even yourself, might be the next one? no symptoms, no precuring health issues also can happen. CHOI CHOI CHOI!! but still... it gets me thinking. and i can't help but worry

it's always nice to be recognized ^_^

So happy. The feedback was great! Things can only get better and better. Work harder now than ever, to make sure that i do more while things are running smooth! now to pray really hard. it seems like it's gonna work soon...

With that short email, all hardwork, all stress, all falling ill was worth it. Poor bf, has to tahan all these. all these while, most of the time we meet to go to work, then go home. meet to go lab, then go home. weekends, still go to work, then go home ler. whoaaahaha what a geeky lifestyle. It has to pay off. ^_^

photoshoot on gallops

what a random but fantastic idea! such random ideas don't usually get carried out. but it was a nice idea anyway. and how cool it'd be if we really went ahead with it one day! ^_^

nothings lasts too long. this is the real world.

in the span of one year, all the nicest people have gone. the people who really cared, the people who're hardworking, the people who mattered. one by one, they leave. for different reasons, happy or sad, but still they leave. or are leaving. the most important one to me now, is also leaving very soon. haiz. there is really less and less true happiness floating around in the air. More superficial smiles, more complaints, more selfishness.

it was a very sad day, when it was suddenly announced. very awkward, very upsetting. hated it. didn't know what to do. and it just reminded me of the whole series of people leaving, both past and future, that i finally broke down some hours later. delayed reaction, but just not appropriate at that point of time.

2012 was a very touching movie, i'm glad we finally went. too appropriate for such an upsetting day too. a good release of emotions. feel so much better after that. but nothing changed for the better. i've only lasted a year, and there's 2 more to go. i'm dreading the day he leaves too, but i know he wants to and i want him to leave. it's for the better. I cannot be selfish. Actually, the new people are really nice. I just do not have the time to play and hang around like i used to anymore. maybe it's just me. i don't like changes. and i wish i had more time to sit back, relax and enjoy.

de javu.

It came from a playful heart, an intention purely just to have fun. But at that split moment, i got so very scared. Old memories flashed across my mind. The difference is that this time round, i wasn't thinking of what would happen to myself. My mind was preoccupied with the safety of the one sitting beside me. I don't know how to describe how i felt. I didn't think anything would happen. Not like last time, when i was so scared i screamed. I had complete faith in him. Yet, at the same time, i wondered what if the next time he wasn't so lucky? I do not want that to ever happen. never. cannot.

I could do this everyday, for the rest of my life :)

T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R

Yesterday, we sat down together, and started lesson 1. Something that i'd been looking forward to in years. always thought it's very nice for family/couples to be able to do it together. Finally, it's my turn to be able to do it! It was simple, yet right to the point. I myself learnt from it, no matter how basic it was meant to be. A truly good recommendation, when described to be a resource for all young and old. :) looking forward to many more sessions together!

****

and on a hind note, i am sooo very glad there is nothing but honesty and sincerity involved. no haphazard acceptance, no lying just to please. ^_^

chocolate saves the day!! (as usual)

sister's birthday, and she decided to go somewhere really far. fortunately, the peak jam wasn't too bad in our direction, and we reached there just 15 minutes late. the restaurant was quite prettily decorated, and the food spread looked quite enticing. just main course alone was almost 20 dishes! bro and i were quite eager, tho i had a huge lunch for Z's farewell.

starters: usual vegs, cannot go wrong. there was feta cheese! but it was more sour and salty than usual. not to my liking. shrooms were fine. no other exciting salads. cheese spread was very limited. in fact, nothing much.

sushi: boring selection. didn't bother taking any

soups: cream of mushroom tasted ok, like from a can. lao huang gua soup happened to satisfy a craving.

main course: oh alot of things! didn't have the chicken tho it all did look not bad. had curry potatoes, i like. curry fish was extremely salty. mutton rendang was ok. hainanese mutton was something new, not bad. boiled vege was good. oxtail stew was quite tasteless, too huge pieces, and very oily. cereal prawns had prawns tt were not fresh, and cereal was meager and soggy. salmon was pathetic. self-made rojak was fun! but i forgot to add sugar. so it was a tad salty. plus, the youtiao was not crispy.

desserts: bread and butter pudding was yummy! had lots fo choc in between. brownie was chocolatey enuff too. cream roll was yucky coz it was not cold. but bro saved the day by digging out the cream and adding fresh icecream. just like arctic roll! yummy. other cakes were not nice. ohh there was sea coconut with longan, to which i added aloevera and nata decoco. no ice tho! had to ask for it. sigh.

all in all, there a few good things around, but alot were substandard. given the number of dishes, there's probably less than 20% that satisfies my palate. and i am not a fussy eater at all! this is the first time i am not pleased with a buffet. luckily my dear didn't get to join. don't waste his time. hee.

no need to go to extremes. a heart of gold is easily spotted in the slightest gestures. I couldn't help but stand at one side and gaze at the love that exudes. i want to be part of that too.

dunno why, but i kind of felt a little disappointed when i heard it. i know i shouldn't, but i couldn't help it. actually, i should be glad that he's not lying and saying/doing it just because of our status, but really taking it seriously. it's time for me to be serious and do something about it too. need lots of wisdom..

Thank you God

Would have lost my boi if it were anyone else who was less understanding. Given the nature of my work (and my dedication to it), not only do i start work early+end work late+work on weekends, sometimes things also crop up and plans to go out have to be changed or canceled totally. Not everyone can take such unpredictabilities.

He's already made changes in his life, waking up much earlier to send me to work daily coz i like working early in the morning when noone is at the lab yet.

On thursday, it was the ultimatum. Being the start of a long weekend, many pple had less work to do and planned a nice evening with their partners/friends. But we couldn't leave early, coz I needed someone's help in my experiment. Because he had something on, he could only return to help me about 6pm. Due to unforeseen circumstances, he arrived at 730pm and we started our work in the basement (with very poor hp reception), while my boi waited upstairs in the office for me. it was a tough surgery process, and work on 8mice took us 2.5hours. by then, it was already 10pm. then, i realized that only then was he able to start his own work on 30mice. as a way to thank his help in my work, i offered to stay a little later to help his anesthesize his 30mice so that he could start his work earlier and thus finish earlier. By the time i was done, it was 1130pm. All these while, my dear did not rush me nor disturb me, but waited patiently for me. Haiz.. i felt so bad though, coz not only did we miss an evening together, but the delay caused him to have his dinner only at midnight. I am so very grateful for someone who is so understanding, that i can do my work without worrying about other things. I told myself that no matter what happens (and no matter how much my stomach growls), i will have to do the same, and give my full support to him :)

Dee Divas Day~

After the multiple chinatown outings, we finally made it to the kitchen after 3 yrs!! Thanks to QL's parents being away, we got to their kitchen to ourselves!! woohoo~ really miss those days we cooked together, especially during pre-exam reading week. Maggi mee, rosti, liang teh. Well, today, we whipped up something way better! hee. Thanks to the chef with her 'stolen trade secret'. hehe. shan't reveal what til the photos are out. hehe. i really wish i was back in hall, with my own room, and better still with my own kitchen (not that dirty and gross hall kitchenette). so much fun cooking for ourselves, and hanging out.. can't wait til one of us really owns a place of her own, then we can always go and chill out there! hehe

on a side note, it was a weird being alone. never thought this would ever happen to me, but xb's owner really did it. day and night is the way to go. >.< where's that independent weijia that i used to know!?!? hmmmm...

oh who can help me.. IPIPIPIPIPIPIPIP

so frustrating. change so many things ler still dun work. but i'm glad i've now got more new ideas on more things i can try. more hopes tt i will work. haiz... almost 1 yr ler.. still cannot get it. who will help me?!?!?!? i will marry whoever can make it work!!!!!! >.<

really too stressed?

was down with fever, then sorethroat, mixed with multiple giddy spells for more than a week. it's been years since i was sick for more than a couple of days. and very untimely too, coz i had so many important meetings and presentations arranged this period. but, amazingly, during my presentation yesterday, i could stand on my feet for a whole hour and talk, with no giddy spells in between. my voice lost its huskiness just in time too. right after the meeting, i felt even better than before. last nite, i had no more sorethroat, and for the first time in many days, i didn't dream that my presentation was over! very amazing. one day ago, i was still all sick and weak and unable to move much, let alone stand long on my feet. just a few hrs' difference, i was completely well, and running all around the lab to do tonnes of work. it's not even a gradual recovery. was a super sudden recovery. like a miracle pill. people say i was too stressed, so i fell ill. but i really didn't feel THAT pressured this time round, yet i fell so ill. so weird. or maybe, subconsciously, i was stressed. haha. dunno. but i am happy i'm all well again. ^_^

it's finally over!!

no more butterflies in the stomach. and the questions weren't too difficult. lalala. (tho he kept asking for my PSLE score. hahaha.) and i forgot totally that my voice was bad and my legs were weak! hee. full of strength and energy! OOMPH!

and life moves on.. more experiments to do! =P

Need Strength. Physical strength

Just worked in the lab for an hour plus, while sitting on a chair. Now, i am feeling all weak and fatigued. gosh. such a serious lack of energy. What will happen later, when i have to give the seminar on my feet, for ~an hour? Oh God, give me strength that I may complete this seminar in one piece, while staying on my feet. Amen

my body has it ways

to force me to get my rest. been so busy, and not getting restful sleep at night, that i'd gotten so tired. yet, i didn't have much time to take a break due to lots of things to do at the lab. not to mention, the many presentations and meetings along the way. well, my body threatened to give way 2 weeks ago, but i refused. drank lots of water, and felt better. never stopped working for a moment. Then few days back, it finally gave way. down with a fever, and my body aching all over. but this happened at an even worse time. i already had ongoing experiments that i couldn't stop. at the same time, i had prearranged multiple meetings these 2 weeks, and i had a couple of major presentations coming up. So i had to drag myself to work even tho i was all feverish and giddy. extremely fortunately, i had someone very reliable to help me with some of my experiments, so i didn't have to stand in the lab for too long. thanks xb. you're a true blessing. ^_^ now i just have to tahan a few more days, before i finish my big big big presentation of the year. still cannto stay at home coz i already have experiments planned for the next 2 weeks, but at least, there's less to do. :)

and while being forced to rest at home on a friday evening, (even my mum was shocked i was not out on a friday) i had lots of fun with my family. most of them were home, and we did some really fun things. i like working with my hands. ^_^

let's all be starless and dotless! ^_^

---

Small Wooden People
by Max Lucado

The Wemmicks were small wooden people. Each of the wooden people was carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village.

And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another.

The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots. The talented ones got stars, too. Some could lift big sticks high above their heads or jump over tall boxes. Still others knew big words or could sing very pretty songs. Everyone gave them stars.

Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little. They got dots.

Punchinello was one of these. He tried to jump high like the others, but he always fell. And when he fell, the others would gather around and give him dots. Sometimes when he fell, it would scar his wood, so the people would give him more dots. He would try to explain why he fell and say something silly, and the Wemmicks would give him more dots.

After a while he had so many dots that he didn't want to go outside. He was afraid he would do something dumb such as forget his hat or step in the water, and then people would give him another dot. In fact, he had so many gray dots that some people would come up and give him one without reason.

"He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another.

"He's not a good wooden person."

After a while Punchinello believed them. "I'm not a good wemmick," he would say. The few times he went outside, he hung around other Wemmicks who had a lot of dots. He felt better around them.

One day he met a Wemmick who was unlike any he'd ever met. She had no dots or stars. She was just wooden. Her name was Lulia.

It wasn't that people didn't try to give her stickers; it's just that the stickers didn't stick. Some admired Lulia for having no dots, so they would run up and give her a star. But it would fall off. Some would look down on her for having no stars, so they would give her a dot. But it wouldn't stay either.

"That's the way I want to be," thought Punchinello. "I don't want anyone's marks." So he asked the stickerless Wemmick how she did it.

"It's easy," Lulia replied. "every day I go see Eli."
"Eli?"

"Yes, Eli. The woodcarver. I sit in the workshop with him."
"Why?"

"Why don't you find out for yourself? Go up the hill. He's there. "
And with that the Wemmick with no marks turned and skipped away.
"But he won't want to see me!" Punchinello cried out.

Lulia didn't hear. So Punchinello went home. He sat near a window and watched the wooden people as they scurried around giving each other stars and dots.

"It's not right," he muttered to himself. And he resolved to go see Eli.
He walked up the narrow path to the top of the hill and stepped into the big shop. His wooden eyes widened at the size of everything. The stool was as tall as he was. He had to stretch on his tiptoes to see the top of the workbench. A hammer was as long as his arm. Punchinello swallowed hard.

"I'm not staying here!" and he turned to leave. Then he heard his name.

"Punchinello?" The voice was deep and strong.
Punchinello stopped.

"Punchinello! How good to see you. Come and let me have a look at you."

Punchinello turned slowly and looked at the large bearded craftsman.
"You know my name?" the little Wemmick asked.

"Of course I do. I made you."

Eli stooped down and picked him up and set him on the bench. "Hmm, " he spoke thoughtfully as he inspected the gray circles. "Looks like you've been given some bad marks."

"I didn't mean to, Eli. I really tried hard."

"Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think."

"You don't?"

"No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They're Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."

Punchinello laughed. "Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"

Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."

Punchinello had never had anyone look at him like this--much less his maker. He didn't know what to say.

"Every day I've been hoping you'd come," Eli explained.

"I came because I met someone who had no marks."

"I know. She told me about you."

"Why don't the stickers stay on her?"

"Because she has decided that what I think is more important than what they think. The stickers only stick if you let them."

"What?"

"The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care."

Eli lifted Punchinello off the bench and set him on the ground.

"Remember," Eli said as the Wemmick walked out the door. "You are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."

Punchinello didn't stop, but in his heart he thought, "I think he really means it."

And when he did, a dot fell to the ground.

Checklist for you all! haha

from asiaone.com

Recipe to a happy marriage

THE formula for a happy marriage has been discovered – a man should choose a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than him.

This, according to the findings of a British study which appeared in the European Journal Of Operational Research, reported BBC.

The research, called Optimising The Marriage Market, saw academics including Dr Emmanuel Fragnière of the University of Bath, interviewing 1,534 Swiss couples who were either married or in a serious relationship.

Five years later, they followed up with 1,074 of the couples to see which of them had separated. Their results showed a clear pattern.

Couples with the best chance are those where a woman with a superior education marries a man who is five or more years older than herself.

Neither should be a divorcee.

If the wife is five or more years older than her husband, they are more than three times as likely to divorce than if they are the same age.

If the age gap is reversed, and the man is older than the woman, the odds of marital bliss are higher.

If the woman is better educated than the man, they are eight times as likely to stay together than the uneducated couple, and three times more secure than if the husband were more of a bookworm than the wife.

Unsurprisingly, analysis of the data showed that the most stable couples were those who had never divorced, said Daily Mail. The most unstable are where only one has had a divorce.

The report concluded: “It appears men and women ‘choose’ their mates on the basis of love, physical attraction, similarity of tastes, beliefs and attitudes, and shared values.

“However, the longevity of marriages also depends on objective factors. Matching individuals according to a small number of objective criteria such as age, education and cultural origin may help reduce divorce.”

So.. what happens to guys who have a phD? what is the next higher level of education???

changes happen just too fast

it was such a happy place. the place that brings a smile everytime i think about it. the place that brought me throught tough times. now, the place has changed. totally. and in so short a time. haiz.

huge blessing

to be able to take just 2 steps to drop by and say hello, just because i feel like it.

may this continue forever.

to do it or not to do it?

I really don't know. so fickleminded. should i really give it up? just like that? i don't have that much time to think anymore. I am so tempted to just give up. But, deep in my heart, i just do not bear to let it go just like that..

howhowhow????????????? oh Lord grant me wisdom, that I may make the right decision..

my 1st bdae cake this year ^_^

YUMMY! great recommendation (top one). rive gauche cakes are gooooooooooooooooooooooood~

A father's love

and one of the countless features of the father and son team hoyt

A brand new chapter, starts when i return from "come-some-honeydew"!!

better 1-year late than never!

Thank you for your encouragement, that I finally brought up the matter yesterday. A whole year of delay, 4months of full-time energy and effort that was suddenly transfered to someone else without me being able to do anything. Or rather, i didn't dare. haiz. Nonetheless, at least now i stood up for myself, i took my stand, and i started all over again. No more dependence on that lost support. No use crying over stolen milk. Coz i was there when it was stolen, but i kept mum about it. A year of energy, a year of precious time, the price i had to pay for being a weakling. But i've learnt, albeit the hard way. Thank you for the great advice, the strong encouragement, the unwielding support the past week, as i worked for this. I hope it is something good. And i hope it is a blessing in disguise, and the year is ultimately not wasted. hehe :)

If only he hadn't left..

Life wouldn't be so difficult now.

XB to the rescue!!

Went out as a lab in search for icecream to eat, and we had to drop by 4 cafes/restaurants in 3 different locations before we got any reply other than "no, it's sold out". Hence, we kinda ended late. After most other shops had closed.

I was walking behind the train station, and there were a few gangster-like pple sitting around. Beyond them, were a couple of guys standing around, seemingly waiting for someone. As i walked past them, i noticed one of the 'waiting' guys started walking towards me. Thinking he was just bored of standing around, i ignored him. But he came uncomfortably close, and he was looking straight at me. Abit scared, i started walking in a different direction, and he followed! freaky! i started walking faster in the direction of the other 'waiting' guy, who seemed much less suspicious. And xb's timing was just so perfect. She arrived just when i was so scared!! ^_^ so thankful for the presence of xb. hee~

The all important me, in the case of FIRE =P

God's Gift

I've always been told that getting a phD is no easy feat. and everyone says that first yr is a time to have fun, 2nd yr a breeze, 3rd yr a rush to get results and the final yr an exhausting one. It was indeed a very easy first 2 years that i had, and everything went rather smoothly, with just a few slow moving months. I knew that life would get tougher, but i really didn't expect the jump to be so tremendous. Expectations grew all of a sudden, and the stress escalated unthinkably. Many times i felt so helpless, so useless, so tempted to give up. But the Lord knew my limits, and placed so many people around me to encourage me and to pray for me. The most amazing gift of all was someone who really could understand every thing that i was going through. comfort and encouragement came my way everyday. good advices were frequent. and a shoulder always there for me to cry on when everything just seems so bleak. It's only been a couple of months into my 3rd year of phD, but i can feel the tremendous amount of pressure that hits my limits so very often. i know i wouldn't have been able to face all these alone, and i am thankful to God for knowing and thus placing someone by my side to watch me and support me all day and all week. Thank you Lord :)

Motion-less

Life has been too sedentary lately. the last physical activity i had was probably diving trip in april. That's like half a year ago!! >.< the whole group is going parasailing.. but i can't! quite sad. haiz. so near yet so far. what luck. hope we don't have to wait too long before the next chance to have such fun!! ^_^ (long weekend in nov? =P)

if i hadn't tried so hard, i'd be fine

and i only have myself to blame. why didn't i think of ignoring them and going ahead with it? i've learnt. it doesn't pay to listen to others, no matter how much more experience they have. and i just wasn't sharp enough to see the loopholes. haiz. so much work gone down the drain. if i had been more strong-headed, i would have done it. if i had been a slacker, it wouldn't have hurt so much. if i hadn't truly loved what i'm doing, it wouldn't matter so much. if only my 'if's could could come true.

i must learn to love insects from now on..

Never really liked insects. No affinity between us. In fact, sometimes they make me jump and run. BUT, for once, i am starting to like them. And i truly hope it develops into a very deep love for them. *shudders* Spodoptera frugiperda, is the insect i am talking about. my phD now depends so heavily on them, i really hope they work well for me! I wanted to put the picture here. but, when i googled for it, my goosebumps wouldn't go away!! i cannot bear to put them up on my blog. OK, if they really succeed, I WILL PUT THE PICTURE. hmm, then let's hope i can put those pictures up. haha. They may be my last hope in this... PLEASE. I WILL LEARN TO LOVE INSECTS IF YOU JUST MAKE IT WORK!!! >.<

What holds YOU together?

MUST WATCH!! Just 8minutes.. This really wowed me. ^_^ Use Google as he says.. that's what i did as i watched. it wows!! hehe

UnderwATer again! ^_^

Didn't remember how much i miss the marine life, until yesterday. It was a rather impromptu decision. or rather, i was so busy that i went only because it was all planned for me. hehe. Thanks! ^_^

Ah.. all these that we see when diving!And i finally saw rays!!Yes i even saw jellies! what beauty :)and the great white!!Ok fine. i was not diving. i was at Underwater World@sentosa. hahaha BUT.. i was SO CLOSE TO DIVING! coz they had tickets for diving! The whole underwater world closed early yesterday, coz we had the entire place booked! woohoo! dined with the fishes!! ^_^ way cool~

one week sabbatical

had planned a week of less experiments, so that i could spend more time meeting THE boss who's back from US (like 1-2 times a yr only, and each time only a week!). To add on to that, i had a presentation on friday, so i needed more time to prepare for it. yet, without knowing, the week went past with no free time in between! in fact, i was so busy everyday that i only went out for lunch once. really blessed that now i don't have to worry if there's no bread to pack for lunch on busy days, coz there's always someone else to depend on. ^_^ (not to forget, there was even icecream yesterday in my packed lunch! hehe)

so why was i so busy even with few experiments? meetings. tonnes of meetings, with locals and visitors from afar. discussions. analyses of data. and very fun, THE boss proposed something very new and exciting, and i was playing around with excel for 2 full days thereafter. whoaa.. there's such massive amt of data (like 45000 rows X 300 columns) that my computer takes ages to process everything. and with so much manipulations to do, i was really spending so much time on my work! until... a computer guru told me how to speed up the processing, and even wrote a very useful formula for me to use! whoahaha.. thanks dude! saved me so much time lah! instead of spending 2 full weeks on my data analysis, i actually finished everything in 2 full days! saved so much time! and just nice, finished it before the end of the week coz next week is full of wetlab work again.

busy i was, but i was really happy. being away from labwork for some time. not that i dislike wetlab, coz i really love doing it. but i like meeting people and discussing ideas and stuff with them too. get so much more ideas and feedback from these experts. and it pays when people get excited abt ur work. hee. and bioinformatics isn't so boring after all. and it's soooo convenient to do, can bring home my work to do at my own time! whoahahaha.. well, that was one 'week-long sabbatical' for me.

need to become a good salesman

suddenly i realize how much easier the path would have been, if all these whirlwind changes had not occurred. yes, i had made the right choice earlier on. i knew that he'd be a good choice. but too bad, he was the one who decided to leave. so much had happened lately, after he had left me to someone else's care. noone seems to understand what i'm thinking, and noone seems to support my ideas. but he does! he thinks the same way! and the difference is, he is able to put it across so wonderfully that he can convince other people that it is worthwhile! oh my.. in just a single session, i suddenly feel so rejuvenated. i am reminded of how big the potential is in this. just need to learn to speak like him. articulate! bah. one big misunderstanding i had for so long was that scientists do not need to have good grasp of english. so i thought it suited me well. oh i am so so so wrong! same project, same ideas, but he can get his way and i am banished to the bottom of the pit, just because of the disparity in linguistic abilities! nonoonoooo i cannot let this happen. he's only here for a week. and who knows when he'd be back again. or ever. i cannot depend on him. it moves too slowly. i must learn to replace him with my own abilities. buck up jiajia! ^_^

NDP 2009

I've been so privileged, to have attended singapore's NDP so many times in my life, thanks to my daddy who always managed to get tix. This yr, however, i had a different experience. I didn't have the tix, but still went to catch NDP! whoahaha.. and i was even nearer to all the action than before! ^_^ pity we forgot the DSLR, and only had the compact camera with us. next yr try again! hehe

visited many cities in a single day!

golden gate bridge in SF. a misty one at that. back in venice!
spot me in the mist/clouds!petronas towers in KL

NYC
NYC???
back in london!
ah. paris again
and the clouds descended upon us...

my favourite. we were in tibet! ^_^

and i also spotted someone. hmm. but cannot say here. dunno if she's there secretly or openly. hahaha

I wonder how she's doing now?

I was just reminded of the last thing she told me just before she left. Her story.

In her broken english, we had this conversation..

A: You know doing a phD must do many things in parallel?
me: yeah. many things. I need to go for class, teach, do research...
A: yeah yeah. Many many things in parallel
me: uh huh..
A: many many things. very important.
me: ...??
A: alot of things in parallel. need to find husband
me: ahh... so how did you meet yours?

Then she told me.. How she needed the help of a bioinformatician during her phD years. How she met him. "He helped me graduate, so I decided to marry him" she said. Though brief, i could sense her blissfulness, so many years on. They were such a blissful old couple, bringing lunch and dinner to the pantry, eating together. Now they're working at opposite ends of the world. I wonder how she's doing now?

In parallel..

Does your faith show?

Today's sunday school lesson was from 1 Thessalonians. It focused on Living together in Purity (1 Thess 4:3-8) and Living together in Love (1 Thess 5:12-22). A large part of the lesson was about sexual immorality, and premarital sex. Being a class of 14 yr olds, some were obviously uneasy about the topic. But many were rather responsive too!! though we're teachers, we do learn from the lessons too. and one part of the lesson that i remember, is the part about 'the most precious gift'. with each relationship you have, you give a part of your heart and maybe a part of your body away. with each relationship, you have less treasure for your partner. then on the day of the wedding, your partner will ask "so what do you have left for me?". How sad it is, if there is very little left for that person who'd spend the rest of your life with you! Don't you want to reserve EVERYTHING you have for that person you will love? Thus, think twice about entering a r/s, and what you do with the person you're together with!

I'm glad i reserved alot for whoever I would marry in future. ^_^

how do you know?

when it is right? coz you just know it. you can feel it. trust your own heart. ^_^

i really don't want to say anything abt it, just want to ignore everything and live on. but, i really cannot. i need an outlet. just let me complain, just this once. then i will ignore whatever else comes my way. i am just too lazy to say anything...

i know it happens each time. i know i have alot to defend, and can defend. i am not in the wrong, nor were u in the right. but i just cannot be bothered with such things anymore. let you vent it out, complain all you want, get all the sympathy you want. i don't need it. i have better things around me. i believe the truth prevails. i just hope that one day they will experience the same things as me, then they will understand what i've been through too. til then, i let you win. coz there're more impt things to worry about ^_^

at the door, i saw it. the first surprise. placed very very nicely. obviously a gift. but i was so overwhelmed by the surprise, that i was abit worried that it wasn't meant for me. then would be so paiseh. so i hid my emotions, fighting back my tears of joy. >.< so sorry. next time will not k? thx dear. ^_^

Pink Run!

Yesssss finally, i get to run the Shape Run! 2006 i missed the application. 07 was a too slow and it was full. 08 i signed up and ended up in california that week instead. 09, i signed up and had conference again. but i came back 5 days before the run and recovered very quickly from my jetlag! yay!!! But i tot this year couldn't run again, coz i fell on friday, and had a minor strain on my left ankle+toes. fortunately it wasn't too bad, and i still managed to go for the run! of course it wasn't easy, coz i had been slacking away with minimal physical activity while touring europe! hehe.. but still, it felt good. i liked it. first time running with only girls! so weird. then the roads were lined with only the male species. after the run, on my way back, the shopping malls were filled with even more men. oh gosh. it was a really odd sight to have a shopping mall with no females, and only men sitting in macdonalds and coffee bean. looking bored. hahahah

saw lots of older women at the run today. maybe next yr i will jio my mum along too! ^_^

upon JQ's request ^_^

really quite lazy, and haven't really looked through my photos. but just to please JQ, here are some photos from Budapest and Venice! (or rather, photos of us 3. scenery ones must wait. hehe)

beautiful skies everywherei am still hard at work! hehehe

the sun very hot. look! ninja turtle travels with us! and i'm so tanned now. pity prague now is a little cold, i'm going to lose my tan before anyone else in singapore sees me. humphand some pics of venice. lalala. just our faces lah. venice is really a nice place. esp the food! yum~ me love italy!!! ^_^