huge blessing

to be able to take just 2 steps to drop by and say hello, just because i feel like it.

may this continue forever.

to do it or not to do it?

I really don't know. so fickleminded. should i really give it up? just like that? i don't have that much time to think anymore. I am so tempted to just give up. But, deep in my heart, i just do not bear to let it go just like that..

howhowhow????????????? oh Lord grant me wisdom, that I may make the right decision..

my 1st bdae cake this year ^_^

YUMMY! great recommendation (top one). rive gauche cakes are gooooooooooooooooooooooood~

A father's love

and one of the countless features of the father and son team hoyt

A brand new chapter, starts when i return from "come-some-honeydew"!!

better 1-year late than never!

Thank you for your encouragement, that I finally brought up the matter yesterday. A whole year of delay, 4months of full-time energy and effort that was suddenly transfered to someone else without me being able to do anything. Or rather, i didn't dare. haiz. Nonetheless, at least now i stood up for myself, i took my stand, and i started all over again. No more dependence on that lost support. No use crying over stolen milk. Coz i was there when it was stolen, but i kept mum about it. A year of energy, a year of precious time, the price i had to pay for being a weakling. But i've learnt, albeit the hard way. Thank you for the great advice, the strong encouragement, the unwielding support the past week, as i worked for this. I hope it is something good. And i hope it is a blessing in disguise, and the year is ultimately not wasted. hehe :)

If only he hadn't left..

Life wouldn't be so difficult now.

XB to the rescue!!

Went out as a lab in search for icecream to eat, and we had to drop by 4 cafes/restaurants in 3 different locations before we got any reply other than "no, it's sold out". Hence, we kinda ended late. After most other shops had closed.

I was walking behind the train station, and there were a few gangster-like pple sitting around. Beyond them, were a couple of guys standing around, seemingly waiting for someone. As i walked past them, i noticed one of the 'waiting' guys started walking towards me. Thinking he was just bored of standing around, i ignored him. But he came uncomfortably close, and he was looking straight at me. Abit scared, i started walking in a different direction, and he followed! freaky! i started walking faster in the direction of the other 'waiting' guy, who seemed much less suspicious. And xb's timing was just so perfect. She arrived just when i was so scared!! ^_^ so thankful for the presence of xb. hee~

The all important me, in the case of FIRE =P

God's Gift

I've always been told that getting a phD is no easy feat. and everyone says that first yr is a time to have fun, 2nd yr a breeze, 3rd yr a rush to get results and the final yr an exhausting one. It was indeed a very easy first 2 years that i had, and everything went rather smoothly, with just a few slow moving months. I knew that life would get tougher, but i really didn't expect the jump to be so tremendous. Expectations grew all of a sudden, and the stress escalated unthinkably. Many times i felt so helpless, so useless, so tempted to give up. But the Lord knew my limits, and placed so many people around me to encourage me and to pray for me. The most amazing gift of all was someone who really could understand every thing that i was going through. comfort and encouragement came my way everyday. good advices were frequent. and a shoulder always there for me to cry on when everything just seems so bleak. It's only been a couple of months into my 3rd year of phD, but i can feel the tremendous amount of pressure that hits my limits so very often. i know i wouldn't have been able to face all these alone, and i am thankful to God for knowing and thus placing someone by my side to watch me and support me all day and all week. Thank you Lord :)

Motion-less

Life has been too sedentary lately. the last physical activity i had was probably diving trip in april. That's like half a year ago!! >.< the whole group is going parasailing.. but i can't! quite sad. haiz. so near yet so far. what luck. hope we don't have to wait too long before the next chance to have such fun!! ^_^ (long weekend in nov? =P)

if i hadn't tried so hard, i'd be fine

and i only have myself to blame. why didn't i think of ignoring them and going ahead with it? i've learnt. it doesn't pay to listen to others, no matter how much more experience they have. and i just wasn't sharp enough to see the loopholes. haiz. so much work gone down the drain. if i had been more strong-headed, i would have done it. if i had been a slacker, it wouldn't have hurt so much. if i hadn't truly loved what i'm doing, it wouldn't matter so much. if only my 'if's could could come true.

i must learn to love insects from now on..

Never really liked insects. No affinity between us. In fact, sometimes they make me jump and run. BUT, for once, i am starting to like them. And i truly hope it develops into a very deep love for them. *shudders* Spodoptera frugiperda, is the insect i am talking about. my phD now depends so heavily on them, i really hope they work well for me! I wanted to put the picture here. but, when i googled for it, my goosebumps wouldn't go away!! i cannot bear to put them up on my blog. OK, if they really succeed, I WILL PUT THE PICTURE. hmm, then let's hope i can put those pictures up. haha. They may be my last hope in this... PLEASE. I WILL LEARN TO LOVE INSECTS IF YOU JUST MAKE IT WORK!!! >.<

What holds YOU together?

MUST WATCH!! Just 8minutes.. This really wowed me. ^_^ Use Google as he says.. that's what i did as i watched. it wows!! hehe

UnderwATer again! ^_^

Didn't remember how much i miss the marine life, until yesterday. It was a rather impromptu decision. or rather, i was so busy that i went only because it was all planned for me. hehe. Thanks! ^_^

Ah.. all these that we see when diving!And i finally saw rays!!Yes i even saw jellies! what beauty :)and the great white!!Ok fine. i was not diving. i was at Underwater World@sentosa. hahaha BUT.. i was SO CLOSE TO DIVING! coz they had tickets for diving! The whole underwater world closed early yesterday, coz we had the entire place booked! woohoo! dined with the fishes!! ^_^ way cool~

one week sabbatical

had planned a week of less experiments, so that i could spend more time meeting THE boss who's back from US (like 1-2 times a yr only, and each time only a week!). To add on to that, i had a presentation on friday, so i needed more time to prepare for it. yet, without knowing, the week went past with no free time in between! in fact, i was so busy everyday that i only went out for lunch once. really blessed that now i don't have to worry if there's no bread to pack for lunch on busy days, coz there's always someone else to depend on. ^_^ (not to forget, there was even icecream yesterday in my packed lunch! hehe)

so why was i so busy even with few experiments? meetings. tonnes of meetings, with locals and visitors from afar. discussions. analyses of data. and very fun, THE boss proposed something very new and exciting, and i was playing around with excel for 2 full days thereafter. whoaa.. there's such massive amt of data (like 45000 rows X 300 columns) that my computer takes ages to process everything. and with so much manipulations to do, i was really spending so much time on my work! until... a computer guru told me how to speed up the processing, and even wrote a very useful formula for me to use! whoahaha.. thanks dude! saved me so much time lah! instead of spending 2 full weeks on my data analysis, i actually finished everything in 2 full days! saved so much time! and just nice, finished it before the end of the week coz next week is full of wetlab work again.

busy i was, but i was really happy. being away from labwork for some time. not that i dislike wetlab, coz i really love doing it. but i like meeting people and discussing ideas and stuff with them too. get so much more ideas and feedback from these experts. and it pays when people get excited abt ur work. hee. and bioinformatics isn't so boring after all. and it's soooo convenient to do, can bring home my work to do at my own time! whoahahaha.. well, that was one 'week-long sabbatical' for me.

need to become a good salesman

suddenly i realize how much easier the path would have been, if all these whirlwind changes had not occurred. yes, i had made the right choice earlier on. i knew that he'd be a good choice. but too bad, he was the one who decided to leave. so much had happened lately, after he had left me to someone else's care. noone seems to understand what i'm thinking, and noone seems to support my ideas. but he does! he thinks the same way! and the difference is, he is able to put it across so wonderfully that he can convince other people that it is worthwhile! oh my.. in just a single session, i suddenly feel so rejuvenated. i am reminded of how big the potential is in this. just need to learn to speak like him. articulate! bah. one big misunderstanding i had for so long was that scientists do not need to have good grasp of english. so i thought it suited me well. oh i am so so so wrong! same project, same ideas, but he can get his way and i am banished to the bottom of the pit, just because of the disparity in linguistic abilities! nonoonoooo i cannot let this happen. he's only here for a week. and who knows when he'd be back again. or ever. i cannot depend on him. it moves too slowly. i must learn to replace him with my own abilities. buck up jiajia! ^_^

NDP 2009

I've been so privileged, to have attended singapore's NDP so many times in my life, thanks to my daddy who always managed to get tix. This yr, however, i had a different experience. I didn't have the tix, but still went to catch NDP! whoahaha.. and i was even nearer to all the action than before! ^_^ pity we forgot the DSLR, and only had the compact camera with us. next yr try again! hehe

visited many cities in a single day!

golden gate bridge in SF. a misty one at that. back in venice!
spot me in the mist/clouds!petronas towers in KL

NYC
NYC???
back in london!
ah. paris again
and the clouds descended upon us...

my favourite. we were in tibet! ^_^

and i also spotted someone. hmm. but cannot say here. dunno if she's there secretly or openly. hahaha

I wonder how she's doing now?

I was just reminded of the last thing she told me just before she left. Her story.

In her broken english, we had this conversation..

A: You know doing a phD must do many things in parallel?
me: yeah. many things. I need to go for class, teach, do research...
A: yeah yeah. Many many things in parallel
me: uh huh..
A: many many things. very important.
me: ...??
A: alot of things in parallel. need to find husband
me: ahh... so how did you meet yours?

Then she told me.. How she needed the help of a bioinformatician during her phD years. How she met him. "He helped me graduate, so I decided to marry him" she said. Though brief, i could sense her blissfulness, so many years on. They were such a blissful old couple, bringing lunch and dinner to the pantry, eating together. Now they're working at opposite ends of the world. I wonder how she's doing now?

In parallel..