Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Learning to appreciate things before they disappear

Who’d have expected, that a short conversation would reap such emotions in all of us? Who’d have known.. who’d have guessed.. who’d have wanted such news?

To a bystander, the main concern to me should be whether that’s the end of my future. But that’s like the last thing on my head. Come to think of it, each person that walked out of the room, had different emotions. Overjoyed, Excited, Calm, Anger, Disappointment, Uncertainty, Spacing out.. and i.. just broke down the moment I stepped out of the room. I’m glad I stated that I have only 20minutes to spare, so my agony was shortened. And I was able to hold my emotions until I stepped out. But in order to do that, I only managed to say ‘hello’ when I stepped in, and nothing else until the end of the meeting. When asked for opinions, I just nodded. There was so much I wanted to say, but I just couldn’t, coz I knew that the moment I said anything, I’d lose my control. I’ve never expected any conversations with him to rouse such strong emotions. It really never crossed my mind that he’d ever say such things to me. Things were working so wonderfully. Weren’t they? Why do good things never last? Why am I not given more time to learn and to build this relationship? I was so looking forward to it.. I had told myself that I would learn as much as I can from this model here.. but now.. the chance is taken away. No more.

It may seem so surreal, how I had initially approached E, but got sidetracked and found someone else to replace. Someone that I later found was better. And now, due to circumstances, I’m going back to E. It’s been an amazing 2 years I’ve had.. he promises the calls and the emails.. but it’s never gonna be the same again. Ever.

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