and i don't understand the discrepancy. Am i blind or totally insensitive or what?

i'm asked to be more competitive. fight it out. yeah.. if it were a few yrs back, i wouldn't even need to be told to do so. I was so convicted to prove everyone wrong if they looked down on me. i was ready to fight back every professor's demeaning words, every obstacle anyone placed my way. but i have changed since then. I don't want to be so competitive anymore. But is it wrong? It seems like i was more ready then than now to do a phD, to compete with people and to fight my way into "the elite club". I don't want to bother about all these. I just want to do my research. I am not here to compete, i am not here to be on the right side of favouritism, not be here to prove i am the best. But yet, it seems like it is all part and parcel of the game. either you do it all, or do nothing at all. sigh. maybe it's time to go back to the old days? or is there some other way i can find a balance? i really don't feel like living tt kind of life anymore..